Friday, June 13, 2008

F***ing Jamie Moyer

You know that scene at the end of Dodgeball, when White Goodman says "F***ing Chuck Norris!" over a plate of Latarian Milton's chicken wings (see here for that ridiculous story)? Well that's how I feel about elderly home escapee Jamie Moyer, who puts aside his prostate medication for a few days each year just to torture Marlins fans.

Seriously, WHY CAN'T THE MARLINS HIT HIM??? It's not like he's throwing unhittable stuff out there. The Marlins wasted a tremendous start from Scott Olsen, falling feebly by a score of 3-0. Olsen was the one bright spot, his velocity consistently in the upper 80's and his strike-ball ratio nearly 3-1. At least that was encouraging.

Just how bad was the offense? The Marlins only once had a guy reach second base, they had no hits until the 5th inning, and they were being blown away by 67 mph pitches all night. Ah, frustrating! Say it with me: F***ING JAMIE MOYER!

P.S. Let's steal his Preparation H before his next start.


Asadler said...

I have a feeling that an 8 year old girl could pitch a no hitter against us, while Brandon Webb has no chance.

ASponge said...

Especially if the 8-year-old starts for the Bad News Bears and is played by Tatum O'Neal.

Asadler said...

I'm sure Amezaga would jump on top of her before she gets to 15 pitches.

Squathole said...

With the camera on him gasping for air in the dugout, Moyer resembled a Rolling Stone.

Christian said...

As much as I love them, these Marlins can get SOOO frustrating at times. How can a group of major-leaguers be so impatient and swing and miss at every 70 mph pitch. Just wait on the frickin ball jeez.