Favre to the Dolphins?

Did any of you know that Brett Favre is unretiring? It's amazing how hard it is to get this kind of information... (In other annual news stories, Manny might want to be traded, Ozzie Guillen went on a tirade, Joba Chamberlain might be starting, and Tiger Woods won a major...yes, you get it all right here!)

The most surprising thing about this, however, (sarcasm officially dropped from this point forward), is that the Dolphins are on the short list. I'm not joking now. According to several sources, Carolina and Miami are the top two candidates to acquire Favre via trade.

Why would Favre want to play for the Dolphins? Something tells me it's not to throw to Ted Ginn Jr. Are the Dolphins really good enough to merit this kind of latter-stage move?

Personally, I would LOOOOOOOVE it. How much more exciting would the games be? The Dolphins' greatest weakness is at QB...Favre probably makes them a playoff team, and imagine the deluge of media attention.

We'll be discussing this far more in the coming days, but what are your thoughts?

P.S. Remember when Favre made that shocking appearance in There's Something About Mary? That was in Miami! Could this be about Cameron Diaz?

What Was His Name Again? DAN UGGLA!

Just when Phillies fans were gloating about how Chase Utley had pulled ahead again of Uggla in the NL second-baseman sweepstakes, that Uggla was in his return-to-Earth descent to normalcy, that he was a flash in the pan, incapable of sustaining success...well they've been proven wrong again.

If we've learned anything, it's that you should NEVER count out Dan Uggla, the player most deserving of the NL MVP award if it were handed out today. Here's a look at what's happening in his life of late:

1. Greg Cote openly campaigns for Uggla to get some All-Star votes. Please, EVERYONE GO VOTE 25 TIMES FOR DAN UGGLA (and throw in a nod for Hanley while you're at it).

2. As first reported on the radio, Dan Uggla will be featured in a Sports Illustrated piece. Wow.

3. Uggla now leads the Major Leagues in home runs with 23. Yes, that from a second baseman!

4. Uggla's defense continues to improve.

5. After hitting the game-tying HR off A's closer Huston Street Friday, Uggla launches a 3-run double the next day to win the game. Not only are his numbers astronomical, but they've been in clutch situations.

If you haven't given Dan Uggla his due yet, it's time to stop smoking the Philly crack and wake up.

Possible Adam Sandler sequel: You Don't Mess With The Uggla!

F***ing Jamie Moyer

You know that scene at the end of Dodgeball, when White Goodman says "F***ing Chuck Norris!" over a plate of Latarian Milton's chicken wings (see here for that ridiculous story)? Well that's how I feel about elderly home escapee Jamie Moyer, who puts aside his prostate medication for a few days each year just to torture Marlins fans.

Seriously, WHY CAN'T THE MARLINS HIT HIM??? It's not like he's throwing unhittable stuff out there. The Marlins wasted a tremendous start from Scott Olsen, falling feebly by a score of 3-0. Olsen was the one bright spot, his velocity consistently in the upper 80's and his strike-ball ratio nearly 3-1. At least that was encouraging.

Just how bad was the offense? The Marlins only once had a guy reach second base, they had no hits until the 5th inning, and they were being blown away by 67 mph pitches all night. Ah, frustrating! Say it with me: F***ING JAMIE MOYER!

P.S. Let's steal his Preparation H before his next start.

Nightmare Road Trip Over

In the movie Road Trip, four friends from Ithaca College embark on an eventful (and perhaps poorly-scripted, but fun) road trip. As is usual in movies like that, the more humiliating scenes dissolve into a happy ending, with plenty of comedy and cheers all around.

We can only hope the Marlins will be rewarded with the same fate, because the 3-7 road trip through New York, Philadelphia, and Atlanta was plain awful. The laughs? I guess Cole Hamels getting rocked, Jamie Moyer's idiotic comment, Dan Uggla's child...let's just say they didn't stack up with the misery.

So the Marlins lost to their rivals on the road. Old news. With the comforts of home once more abound, it's time to find that happy ending...and no, I'm not referring to Breckin Meyer's post-Road Trip career.

Scott Olsen Math

Remember way back in algebra class when you had to compute velocity in those "real world" problems?

Well Scott Olsen is on the verge of a real world problem...that's if his fastball continues to decline in velocity. Ever since that started happening, he's been knocked around. He went from low 90's to upper 80's to mid 80's. Mid 80's has been synonymous with getting shellacked, so we don't want that.

I won't lie. I'm terrified of his first fastball, because it should tell the whole story. Fish Stripes put his barometer at 87 mph. I'm going to go up to 88. Much like Back to the Future, he'd better hit 88 or he won't be seeing much of the future...that being, past the third inning.

Fingers crossed.

NBA Insight and More

Is it just me or are the NBA rumors more interesting than the games? Since the Heat aren't going from worst to first, lets look at reality. A healthy Wade (if not all future entries with be discontinued and I'll be watching Bill Murphy in Groundhog day), Marion (so what if it's 17m plus) and Beasley (I love lefties) as your top three. Haslem, Wright, Banks, and Mourning as your 5 to 8. Basically we need to find a number 4 to be a playoff team and beat an aging Detriot,and a not really that good Boston. Nobody scares me and the Portland State grad will suprise with his coaching.

Breezing thoughts: Quit telling me to go see the Marlins after 13 years of garbage. I'll take the Heat title for this season's record, but baseball's about hope and mine looks like it's moving to Cuba. Do they have hockey down here? Orlando would be better. Can't wait until the NBA draft hoping for a rose to bloom.

Bill Parcells Needs to Grow Up

Those who have faithfully read our blog would know we've been highly supportive of Bill Parcells, especially in regard to the draft. He's a veritable sage when it comes to evaluating personnel, and his steady hand is just what the Dolphins need to right their ship (which had fallen somewhere near the place Captain Jack Sparrow found himself in the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie).

With those praises out of the way, it's time for a little criticism. What was it that made Parcells ineffective as coach of the Cowboys? His people skills, namely when applied to outspoken superstars like "the player" (that's T.O. if you didn't recall).

The childlike antics seem to have surfaced again, this time with Jason Taylor. There's no excuse for this:

"Two weeks ago, Taylor took a break from his dancing gig and visited the Dolphins. He visited with teammates in the locker room and, after a warm reception, decided to call on Parcells.
Taylor walked into a room where Parcells was watching tape, and Parcells ignored him. He looked at Taylor and went back to his work without saying a word.
That incensed Taylor."

In cases like these, Bill Parcells needs to rediscover that thing called puberty, which supposedly raises the mind to a more adult form.

The Marlins Turn a Profit?

Perhaps no franchise has been examined, dissected, and judged more closely under the microscope than the Marlins, and yet the team continues to compete. Nevertheless, I've been alerted to some new happenings on the Marlins business scene, and some of them are quite insulting.

It's not surprising that Forbes rates the Marlins as 30th in franchise value, although David Sampson was still good for one of his obligatory rants. That's not even what caught my eye. It's this, which Reader Nathan pointed out, that disturbs me:

"According to Forbes's numbers, Florida brought in the second-highest profit last year, at $35.6 million. This is a team that not only spent just $30 million on payroll last year, the lowest figure in the National League, but then shipped off 24-year-old superstar Miguel Cabrera and 25-year-old star pitcher Dontrelle Willis, neither of whom was due to make anything like his market value, to lower this year's payroll to $21 million. That's about a third of what they'll get this year in revenue sharing payments and national broadcast money. There's a reason they're worth $40 million less than any other team, and it isn't that Miami is a small market."

Ouch! I knew the Marlins were getting a nice cut of their salary paid by MLB, but not to this extent. The payroll is 1/3 of the OUTSIDE money they receive! With information like this, it's no wonder some people like Imber feel inclined to abandon the team.

Now to the good news. One thing Forbes does not account for is the dreaful lease the Marlins have on Dolphin Stadium. That's the real reason the Marlins are losing some money, but they're clearly still turning a hefty profit.

The better news? As Tom D'Angelo of the Palm Beach Post proudly reports:

"The Marlins can say they had something to do with the Pirates dropping below them for the lowest average paid attendance in the majors. Because just 10,185 fans bothered to watch the Marlins and Pirates on Tuesday at PNC Park, the Pirates' average attendance for their eight home games fell to 14,766. The Marlins are second-lowest with an average of 15,033."

29th never felt so good! As a last note, I leave you with this interesting piece commending those athletic women depicted in "A League of Their Own." Congratulations, ladies, on the Hall of Fame honors!

Did Cody Ross Have a Wonder Boy Moment?

We all know Cody Ross has had his share of misfortunes this year. Injured and slumping, he's in desperate need of a good break.

Well, it may have happened. I'm just throwing this out there now so you all know when I made the claim:

In the second inning, Ross's bat broke into three parts on a single up the middle. Was that like Roy Hobbs in The Natural? I say the lightning has now struck, and Cody Ross will go on to hit well the rest of the season.

Bring out the Savoy Special!

Orange Bowl Demolition a Disco for Marlins

Most of you have probably heard of the horribly-gone-wrong Disco Demolition Night ballpark promotion in 1979 (Comiskey Park, Chicago). If you haven't, you must read (and laugh) about it here!

Many thought that was the end of disco in America, save for a few devout Whit Stillman fans in love with The Last Days of Disco. (By the way, if you want to give Whit Stillman a viewing, I highly recommend the one-of-a-kind Metropolitan).

Anyway, the point I'm inarticulately making is that the demolition of the Orange Bowl may be a sad, emotional day for Hurricanes fans, but it's a moment of reckless disco-like jubilation for Marlins fans. The Marlins owe the ghost of Hurricanes past for their fairy of Marlins future, and that is a phenomenon worth thinking about. Where do the rest of you stand on the issue?

Defending the Shaq

Shaq has come under a blitz of fire lately for throwing the Heat under a bus. This is nothing unusual for him, as he's just as well known for his destructive exists as his mammoth entrances.

I'm not going to defend Shaq's actual comments. You can read about them here. DSponge, a respected member of our staff, had his own share of criticism for Shaq, and I vowed to launch a retort.

Does Shaq have emotional problems? Absolutely, and they're not the kind Dr. Phil can solve in Scary Movie 4. Has he burned bridges with his former teams? Yes. Did he do the same with the Heat? Yes.

But slamming Shaq for sharing a few plain words about the state of the Heat is a poor use of verbiage. Everything he said about Chris Quinn, Pat Riley, and the Heat this year just happens to be the truth. Pat Riley is equally no stranger to throwing his former teams under the bus (see Lakers, Knicks, Heat prior-to-Stan Van Gundy), and what he did to Stan Van Gundy is worse than anything Shaq ever said.

Let's also not forget how Shaq was berated this year. The guy is old! What more motivation would you expect from the large, detiorarating cyclops of charisma on a last place team? Between his wife cheating on him, the blame directed his way, and now the love he's receiving in Phoenix, I think we can understand why he'd make some of those comments.

Is he to be admired for them? No. Should he be forgiven? I say yes. Go Suns!